Dear Cory:

We recently moved into a house with a lawn, and, though I’d rather dig the shit up and plant something useful, like potatoes, circumstances demand that we maintain the lawn as is. Thus, we need to buy a lawn mower.

The wife, and my inner environmentalist, want me to buy the relatively environmentally neutral (as if there’s anything environmentally neutral about a semi-suburban lawn) electric mower. However, I grew up with engines, the smell of gasoline and two-cycle oil, and the roar of combustion. Electric mowers just seem a little pansy. I mean no offense by that, I did a lot of guys before I got married, but I think you know what I’m getting at.

What should I do?