Dear Cory:

My new boyfriend has a new Prince Albert. I’ve been avoiding him because the sensation of the metal on my fillings is like nails on a blackboard. What should I do? –Perplexed by the PA in Peoria

Dear PPP:

Cory wishes to inform his readers that attached identifiers show this correspondent is male, and that a “Prince Albert” or PA (supposedly sported by Queen Victoria’s consort, no doubt yet another myth) is a ring that enters the urethra, then pierces the thin tissue between the ventral part of the urethra and one side of the frenum/a.k.a frenulum on the underside of the penis, thus adorning the penile tip.

It is a well-known fact that men — with the possible exception of this correspondent — give the best head to men, being so familiar with the equipment and having wider dental arches; some can even practice on themselves. But Cory wants to nag: technique, technique, technique! The fillings in your teeth are at the sides of your mouth, unless you have metal fillings in the front in the Romanian style. The Prince Albert piercing sported by your adventurous buddy should not come in contact with them if you are employing standard fellatial technique, to wit:

1. Align your head with the centre line of your boyfriend. If your b/f’s penis curves up, invert yourself 180 degrees. If b/f’s penis curves right, rotate yourself 90 degrees counterclockwise. And so on. The idea is to get the curve of his penis to match the downward curve of your throat.
2. Open your mouth, with your lips covering your front teeth. Open wide.
3. Get b/f’s penis wet with your saliva, take your time.
4. Move head so b/f’s penis enters your mouth and contacts your soft oral tissues, aimed towards your throat. Avoid penile contact with teeth.
5. Move head so b/f’s penis withdraws to the point where his glans’ coronal sulcus contacts your lips, or beyond that point if it tickles his fancy.
6. Repeat “ad orgasm”.

The other possible problem is that your b/f was sold a PA ring with too big a diameter. Unless his penis is gargantuan, an internal diameter of five-eighths of an inch (1.6 cm) is adequate — the ring should not slap from side to side, contacting your teeth. It should almost hug the penile tissue during erection. Larger diameter rings can get snagged (ouch!) and lack that cute, compact look.

Failing achievement of mutual satisfaction, your b/f should get a curved barbell ring that can be removed prior to your little love fests. It seems simple, doesn’t it? How hard can it be, you ask? Well, there are refinements in everything, and practice makes pervert. Your gag reflex will go away after a few years. Get your b/f to tell you what feels good and what doesn’t.